the first day of summer
I doubt that anyone at all still reads this. The Creative Writing blog-posting trickled a little through the summer and into September and Kyle made a new blog for rabbit and wombatty pursuits, but then it all faded out. But I'm going to post something anyway!
So the first year of college is over. It wasn't what I thought it would be, really. At Prout I had all sorts of grand ideas about college and thought: it's my first opportunity to be independent, to burst out into the world! I didn't do any bursting out into the world. In fact, I did a fair amount of retreating and hiding from the world. College threw me off. Without the familiar structure of senior year Prout, I didn't know quite what to do.
There were many of the same people, but I found myself subtly pushing most of them away. Closing myself off. I never felt like I belonged at college.
The green leaves outside and the warm air coming through the windows makes me think of the end of last year, of prom and Anime Boston and graduation parties stretching into the summer. Coming on a year ago, I sat in this exact same seat when I got home from Anime Boston. It's a very vivid memory and it makes me long for a time like that again. We just had so much fun. This year, there weren't group adventures, that feeling of freedom. College was a new place and I didn't know what to do with myself there.
There was a little renaissance of the feeling when Jill came back. But what came of that? In certain ways, I feel like I have been sleeping this year. There were amazing things, sure - but I regret not being as close to my prout friends. I miss creative writing class, I REALLY miss Anime Boston, I miss the light and wind on Jackie's lawn before the prom.
I don't know what to do with myself at college, really. Yesterday was the last day of freshman year. I turned in two papers, took one exam, and badly screwed up a strange part of my writing final. Then I went outside and sat under a tulip tree for a while. I felt like maybe some day I could get to like the place if I could just find a corner that's my own.
So the first year of college is over. It wasn't what I thought it would be, really. At Prout I had all sorts of grand ideas about college and thought: it's my first opportunity to be independent, to burst out into the world! I didn't do any bursting out into the world. In fact, I did a fair amount of retreating and hiding from the world. College threw me off. Without the familiar structure of senior year Prout, I didn't know quite what to do.
There were many of the same people, but I found myself subtly pushing most of them away. Closing myself off. I never felt like I belonged at college.
The green leaves outside and the warm air coming through the windows makes me think of the end of last year, of prom and Anime Boston and graduation parties stretching into the summer. Coming on a year ago, I sat in this exact same seat when I got home from Anime Boston. It's a very vivid memory and it makes me long for a time like that again. We just had so much fun. This year, there weren't group adventures, that feeling of freedom. College was a new place and I didn't know what to do with myself there.
There was a little renaissance of the feeling when Jill came back. But what came of that? In certain ways, I feel like I have been sleeping this year. There were amazing things, sure - but I regret not being as close to my prout friends. I miss creative writing class, I REALLY miss Anime Boston, I miss the light and wind on Jackie's lawn before the prom.
I don't know what to do with myself at college, really. Yesterday was the last day of freshman year. I turned in two papers, took one exam, and badly screwed up a strange part of my writing final. Then I went outside and sat under a tulip tree for a while. I felt like maybe some day I could get to like the place if I could just find a corner that's my own.
posted by Laura at 1:02 PM
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