more than dreams

I've found that the best way to get over fear is to do things in spite of being afraid. I've tried to sit myself down and talk and reason myself out of fear and tried to relax and reign in my thoughts but none of it worked for a very long time. What has worked, though, is being shaking and sick with fear, all jumpy inside and rattling, and trapping myself into doing just the thing that I am afraid of. Afterwards I always get this feeling of freedom and like I could do anything.

Recently I have a lot of ambition. I feel like I know what I want. When some people find out my ambitions, they are doubtful and I understand why. Because I'm scared and timid sometimes and also because sometimes I'm shamefully irresponsible. But my ambitions do not seem to clash with my character to me - because who I am and who I want to be are rather different. I want to be courageous and exuberant and daring and all living-out-loud. I would hate to stay afraid and timid and so, I won't. I have always thought someday I'll change. Maybe magically when I turned twenty I would be daring. But I realize that I have to bring about the change and take chances and be courageous myself or else my life would be incredibly dull. Which is a great fear. How fear teaches to be unafraid. I don't want to live an ordinary life. I want it to be full of color and excitement and new things every day. I want no day to be like the one before it. So I have to make that happen. And you know what? I believe I can. I think believing gives a huge step-up into ambition: believing you can do it can make you able to do it.