beliefs

One of my obsessions is something rather interesting - perhaps unexpected. Religion. Honestly I'm obsessed and in love with religion. Weird, perhaps. I sincerely doubt that I come across as a fervent doctrinist or anything. And if you ask me what religion I am I won't be able to tell you because I don't know - or I do know but it doesn't have a name. I am fascinated by religious traditions, by rituals, festivals, offerings, names of gods and goddesses, scriptures and poems...

There was one period where I briefly tried to be a devout Christian. Maybe about two months, three at the most, in tenth grade, I was fifteen. And a funny counterpoint! - about a year later, when I was sixteen, in eleventh grade, I was seriously considering 'converting' to some form of Paganism. It's a funny little blurb to tell but represents how I've swung here and there about religion.

My last two major research papers at school were both on religion: one on Christianity and its viewpoint on evolution (this year) and one on the rise of Neopaganism (last year). The more interesting one was the latter and when I was thinking about the religion I learned a whole lot and still keep a fervent interest in it - but have decided not to call myself by the name of any one religion. I used to - and still do sometimes - wonder if having a specific title for my beliefs, a doctrine, a group of others who believe the same, would make it easier to hold on to a faith. But at this point right now I wouldn't feel right labeling myself as any particular religion. It would be more convenient of course (heh), as now I am obliged to answer "Miscellaneous" when someone asks what religion I am.

My basic foundation has turned out to be a sort of transcendentalism, but less epic and more fairylike and dreamy. I celebrate Christmas wholeheartedly but also do quite a reverent celebration on Summer Solstice. My faith is sometimes vague, sometimes sharp, a mixture of different things, but it's okay.

In the book "Life of Pi" by Yann Martel, Pi Patel is a boy who is a Muslim, a Christian, and a Hindu at the same time. When the leaders of each of these religions berate him and tell him that he has to choose only one, he says, "I just want to love God!" I loved that book for its portrayal of religion. I adored the passages when Pi described the textures, the feelings, of different religions, how he called orange "a nice Hindu color" and green a more Muslim shade.

Like Pi in the book, I'm obsessed with religion in general, with different faiths. Often I can't even see how they contradict each other when stripped to the basics. I read another great quote in Elie Wiesel's autobiography "All Rivers Run to the Sea", where a Christian and a Jew were talking about how the basic difference between their religions was of course whether or not the Messiah had come already. The Christian said that Christians believe the Messiah came once but is going to come again, and so the Jew (a rabbi) said that when the Messiah comes, the rabbi would just go over and whisper in the Messiah's ear, "Have you been here before?" And the rabbi said that he would not tell anyone the answer.

I've thought a lot that if I were not going to major in English and/or History in college I would dive into Philosophy and Theology as a major. But, heh, though I know English is not usually classified as a "practical" major, Theology is even less "practical" because I have no idea what I would do with such a degree. It's something I would really love to study just for its own sake, really.