monologue quandary
In second semester of junior year last year, one of the best classes of high school happened. "Creative Writing." It was the class in which I stopped being shyly afraid to say my opinion, etc. This semester, the last semester of high school - I am taking the class again. The same course title, the same teacher, and the same friends (plus more) are in the class. It is the beginning of the semester so we have not yet gotten to the really fun stuff. But one thing we did have to do last week was to write a monologue on a certain subject - a monologue for inclusion in a play-thing that the teacher of the class is putting on in May.
Yesterday he asked if anyone would be interested in acting in the play-thing, in reading his own monologue. Eventually I raised my hand and said "very small possibility." Basically because I didn't want anyone but me performing my monologue. :P Later I thought more about it (of course, that always happens) though, and realized:
A weird and little-known fact: I came to my high school in ninth grade because of its excellent theatre program. Imagining myself performing onstage. Thinking I could act.
As a freshman I was far too timid and unsure to try. In tenth grade I struck out into the world of Prout Theatre. I took an acting class as an elective and auditioned for the fall play - an audition in which I was bland and unnotable, pretty much - and auditioned for the spring musical - an audition for which I practiced to the point of starting to lose my voice and then sung in front of the director in horrible warbling tones, no doubt making an idiot of myself. No, really, it was bad. I meekly "helped" with costumes [i.e., wandered around backstage mostly not knowing what I was doing] for that play (Fiddler on the Roof). The extent of my Prout Theatre experience was that in the program of a small play put on in February of junior year, "A Thurber Carnival", my name appeared in the program next to the title "Assistant to the Director" and "Costumes". But really what I mostly did in that play was slink around with a squeaky voice, again, with no idea what I was supposed to be doing.
But. I came to my school for its theatre. Since I came, I have ceased wanting to become an actress, realized that most of the time I can't carry much of a tune, and learnt new things about what I really do want to do. But. Here I have right in my hand a finale to a spectacular senior year. Right there. It's so easy. Here I have a chance to be on that stage one time, not before the curtain rises as a meek and scuttling backstage-hand, but after the curtain has long been up as an "actress". Weird, huh? That it should just fall like that? If I make an idiot of myself, hey, I'm graduating in less than a month from when the play happens. The parents and students in the audience won't need to care. So what if my teacher said the Attorney General was coming to the play? When am I going to have to face the opinion of the Attorney General? Basically I'm free. And four good friends have also volunteered to appear in the play and read their monologues so I wouldn't even have to be alone.
I'd be terrified. But I'd be free. One experience for free.
There is one problem though completely separate from the issue of acting on-stage. It's the monologue itself - the one I wrote. The teacher must have thought that it was good because he read it to the class along with some of his own and some other students' [i know i know, which one? mine was #4 :P]. The content of the monologue I wrote is pretty personal - not necessarily to me, but to my family. Not as in revealing Deep Dark Dreadful Family Secrets, but just that, I don't think my family would want some things in the third paragraph to be revealed to the student body of Prout, the student body's parents, the teachers, and the Attorney General. Basically I can't do it - even if I'm not completely sure that it wouldn't be all right to let the monologue out, the fact that I have any suspicion that it might be uncomfortable for my family is a suspicion that must stop me from performing (or having anyone perform) the monologue as it is now. Yes, it was read to my Creative Writing class - without the author's name attached to it. That was just six or seven good friends of mine - and eight or nine other students - and one teacher. A 600-seat auditiorium is a different matter.
So I guess the only thing I can do is talk to the teacher about it, and change the monologue. We were allowed to either write from our own experience, or invent a fictional character and make him speak. I'll have to make it more fictional, I guess. Keep my basic opinion and tone portrayed in the monologue, but change stories, invent things. Somehow it probably won't seem as dear to me then.
Yesterday he asked if anyone would be interested in acting in the play-thing, in reading his own monologue. Eventually I raised my hand and said "very small possibility." Basically because I didn't want anyone but me performing my monologue. :P Later I thought more about it (of course, that always happens) though, and realized:
A weird and little-known fact: I came to my high school in ninth grade because of its excellent theatre program. Imagining myself performing onstage. Thinking I could act.
As a freshman I was far too timid and unsure to try. In tenth grade I struck out into the world of Prout Theatre. I took an acting class as an elective and auditioned for the fall play - an audition in which I was bland and unnotable, pretty much - and auditioned for the spring musical - an audition for which I practiced to the point of starting to lose my voice and then sung in front of the director in horrible warbling tones, no doubt making an idiot of myself. No, really, it was bad. I meekly "helped" with costumes [i.e., wandered around backstage mostly not knowing what I was doing] for that play (Fiddler on the Roof). The extent of my Prout Theatre experience was that in the program of a small play put on in February of junior year, "A Thurber Carnival", my name appeared in the program next to the title "Assistant to the Director" and "Costumes". But really what I mostly did in that play was slink around with a squeaky voice, again, with no idea what I was supposed to be doing.
But. I came to my school for its theatre. Since I came, I have ceased wanting to become an actress, realized that most of the time I can't carry much of a tune, and learnt new things about what I really do want to do. But. Here I have right in my hand a finale to a spectacular senior year. Right there. It's so easy. Here I have a chance to be on that stage one time, not before the curtain rises as a meek and scuttling backstage-hand, but after the curtain has long been up as an "actress". Weird, huh? That it should just fall like that? If I make an idiot of myself, hey, I'm graduating in less than a month from when the play happens. The parents and students in the audience won't need to care. So what if my teacher said the Attorney General was coming to the play? When am I going to have to face the opinion of the Attorney General? Basically I'm free. And four good friends have also volunteered to appear in the play and read their monologues so I wouldn't even have to be alone.
I'd be terrified. But I'd be free. One experience for free.
There is one problem though completely separate from the issue of acting on-stage. It's the monologue itself - the one I wrote. The teacher must have thought that it was good because he read it to the class along with some of his own and some other students' [i know i know, which one? mine was #4 :P]. The content of the monologue I wrote is pretty personal - not necessarily to me, but to my family. Not as in revealing Deep Dark Dreadful Family Secrets, but just that, I don't think my family would want some things in the third paragraph to be revealed to the student body of Prout, the student body's parents, the teachers, and the Attorney General. Basically I can't do it - even if I'm not completely sure that it wouldn't be all right to let the monologue out, the fact that I have any suspicion that it might be uncomfortable for my family is a suspicion that must stop me from performing (or having anyone perform) the monologue as it is now. Yes, it was read to my Creative Writing class - without the author's name attached to it. That was just six or seven good friends of mine - and eight or nine other students - and one teacher. A 600-seat auditiorium is a different matter.
So I guess the only thing I can do is talk to the teacher about it, and change the monologue. We were allowed to either write from our own experience, or invent a fictional character and make him speak. I'll have to make it more fictional, I guess. Keep my basic opinion and tone portrayed in the monologue, but change stories, invent things. Somehow it probably won't seem as dear to me then.
posted by Laura at 10:08 AM
1 Comments:
Mogget's right Laura,most people would be terrified to speak in front of 600 people.- heck i was afraid to monologue in front of the 10 people of last year's acting class.
You should work out what you want to do. It's probably a good idea to ask your parents but it's what you want to do in the end ;P
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